At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
