Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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