Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
