Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
