i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
