Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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