were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
