From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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