I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
