No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
