thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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