he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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