Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
