shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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