Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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