i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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