Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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