I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
