We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
