So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
