I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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