if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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