her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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