Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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