I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
