She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
