I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
