i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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