Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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