i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
