so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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