just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
