He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
