I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
