apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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