New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
