She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
