im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
