can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
