We're like a lot better than the average bears
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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