another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
