So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
