Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
