I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
