Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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