Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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