Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
