im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
