I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
