you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We just shotgunned beers for America
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
