And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
