My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
